To know or not to know?

This past winter, I was quite sure that I was going to begin the process to get tested. I spoke with my family doctor (to let her know what I’m considering and find out whether or not I can count on her to learn about this disease and its challenges and treatments with me), and I contacted the Huntington Society office in our area to get a referral for the genetic counseling. Shortly after, my doctor went on Mat leave and has notified us that she will not be returning to her practice. The Society never returned my call or email.

I let the idea gently slip from my mind, as it is much easier to avoid the topic in my head. B asks now and again if I’ve made any progress, he thinks that he’s anxious to go through the testing with me. It’s just so much work to gear up for it again in my head! Am I really ok with finding out right now? Will B still want to have children with me if I test positive? If so, should we have children right away so that I can spend more time with our children as me and not as a pHD? Should we consider IVF in order to stop the transmission of the gene in our line? Is IVF ethical if I don’t believe that abortion is right?

So many questions. So little answers.

I have decided, however, that in my life I will rarely turn down the chance to try something new - at least once. Last year I did a free fall from the height of 152’ which terrified the living daylights out of me. You see, I am a person who is rather afraid of heights. And of falling off things. You might be able to see how this is a bad combination for me. This Saturday, B and I are going to start wind surfing lessons. In October or November, we’ll get our Scuba certification. We’re hoping that we can put some of these adventure sports to use on our trip to South America at Christmas! We don’t have a lot of money to spare, and we do still have a significant debt load from our undergrad days, so it’s hard for me to justify spending the money on these lessons. However, if it turns out I’m gene positive, I don’t want to have missed out on the chance to do these things while I was still physically able and mentally willing to do them.